Crazy Love

I have secretly made a decision to embark on a journey that I hope and am promised will refresh my view of God.

Crazy Love. This book I am reading written by Francis Chan. It has already challenged me (I have only read the preface, forward, and the first page of the first chpater). http://crazylovebook.com/ The Awe Factor video has brought me to tears. Not superficial tears but tears of awe (literally). It made me realize that there is a world beyond me, light years beyond me. And I can't get pass myself? An uncomprehensible eternity ahead of me and all I could think about is what next event is in store for our church plant? I am so full of frustration and anguish. But mixed with amazement. How could I NOT WORSHIP THE EVERLASTING GOD?

I will commit myself to blogging as I journey through this book. Share with you what Crazy Love can do!

This morning

This morning I found myself yearning to be in God's Word. After ENCOUNTERING God this past weekend at the Hillsong United Encounter Conference I was re-kindled with joy and love. I realized how precious my time is with God and how empty and unfulfilled I feel when I just get too busy and put off the time to meditate on His Word.

One of the confirmations I received of this revelation was through the daily devotional I get from the Proverbs 31 ministry. The author of the devotional, Amy Carroll, reflected on the verse from Luke which described the passionate Mary who chose to be at the feet of Jesus marveling over His wisdom and beauty instead of being busy for Him. It hit me like a ton of bricks...I wasn't doing any. I wasn't spending time with God nor was I getting busy for Him. What a rough realization! I would have preferred to have cast the blame on some-one else rather than realize I was slacking in the most important area of my life.

So, I sat down and ate my bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch with the Bible at my side and began to dive in. To my surprise I open my Bible and open up to Job Chapter 14. Taken back by the direct message of how short our life is on earth I kinda began to get sad...Stop, Wait a minute, I thought I was supposed to experience God's everlasting love and joy not sadness :( But then I took a second read (this time New International Version vs New King James Version) and interpreted a whole different message.

Job 14:1-6

1 "Man born of woman 
is of few days and full of trouble.
 2 He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.
 3 Do you fix your eye on such a one? Will you bring him [a] before you for judgment?
 4 Who can bring what is pure from the impure? 
No one!
 5 Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months 
and have set limits he cannot exceed.
 6 So look away from him and let him alone, 
till he has put in his time like a hired man

Do not place your dependency on man. Man has limitations, God does not. Man's limitations equals death, God's limitations equal eternity. Man will not stand with you on judgement day but Christ will. Allow God to be your ultimate support and salvation...Man is a representation of God, let's not forget that. Christ was blameless, His Blood purchased for you and I. He's the One that deserves the praise and attention, not man! Wow what an awesome reminder of the righteousness of God!

Where I am at

Had a spare moment and wanted to blog! Just wanted to vent about where I feel that I am at in life. This might just be called "blah-ging" as my hubby puts it!

Birthday passed about 3 wks ago and amazed at just how far I have come along. Wishing of course I could accomplish more, do more, impact the world, and be home by 6 p.m. to cuddle with my hubby! Unrealistic as it seems I hope that I can be at a place where I can do that as a full time job. People have told me that I am impacting the world, one middle school student at a time. I do think that often and am humbled by the idea. But have to reflect on the idea...am I as a part of this movement that we want to create with Freedom Culture, am I making this thing happen? Am I really being a part of an impact? Am I doing enough? Even though my body is saying, "Slow down you need rest!" I still feel like there is more I should be doing! Maybe it is not even the amount of work I am a part of but...but what? What's lacking? The passion? The time? Prayer? (I could always work on that!) Vision? Sacrifice? Faith? Maybe I am not lacking anything and just need to wait upon God. But wouldn't that mean that I am lacking patience? Some-one told me the other day, "As an outsider looking in, you will see that you have made a lot of progress. But because you are close to the main goal you can't see it [progress]." Make sense? It does to me...it revealed some hope. Scratching my head wondering, "Are we headed in the right direction?" But maybe that's not up to me to decide.

In the midst of all this I am really happy that I have had life lessons and am growing as a person. Last week Wednesday my hubby, Rubin, Janyl, and I started our first vignette on Character from the "The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader" by John Maxwell. Wouldn't officially or unofficially title myself as a leader because if I look behind me and see no-one is following how can I call myself a leader? Regardless I want to make sure I keep myself in check as well as the rep of my hubby, Freedom Culture, and my family. I have to continuously reflect in the mirror and fix the area where I am lacking in. So, Character...where shall I begin?

As I have realized over the past 20 months of marriage Benny is my mirror. Marriage has helped me reflect on the CHARACTERistics that I have to work on. Let me tell you something anger is a big characteristic of mine that needs some fine tuning. Better yet a face lift! I have realized that my way of communicating nuisances, opinions, and feelings just sucks at times. I mean my husband has to win "The Patience Award" because man I can instantly turn on him for no reason at all. Actually on several occasions he has had to remind me that he is on my side not against me. You must be thinking, "Well duh!!!" but in the midst of my quick rage I am blinded by previous failures and circumstances and actually allow those failures to make bogus assumptions which causes an unrealistic reaction which causes the wheel of insecurity. Crazy huh? Realized that over the weekend...which is ironic since Character was the thought for the week! Hoping I am not alone out there! I end with this food for thought from Maxwell's book..."Character is more than talk!" I couldn't agree more. I disclose all this not to have you pat me on the back for honesty but to nod your head and say, "Dang I have been there before, I could relate"

Our words aren't enough...

Daily I think about, "How am I reaching people for Christ?", "Was I clear, did I sound like I knew what I was talking about when I spoke to that person about Christ?" It is in my constant thoughts and in my heart. I have prayed to God to give me an opportunity to speak to others about Christ and offer them the joy of salvation. But this morning I questioned my heart and asked myself, "Am I praying the wrong thing?"

I read a devotional this morning from Proverbs 31 ministry and was captivated by the verse of the day, "...Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts." James 3:13 (Msg Translation). Should I be praying, "God shut my mouth and let Your love be expossed through my actions and gestures. Let Your compassion be acted out through my hands and feet. Let me remember I might be the only Jesus my friends, co-workers, and people will ever see. Work in me, transform me daily, orchestrate my actions, and do allow me to speak of Your love and salvation if only you promise to use Your words not mine!"????

That sounds like it...let your words be few but let your actions SPEAK VOLUMES!!!

Coincidence?

This morning as I woke up to get ready for work I turned the TV on to watch the morning news (like every other morning). Something told me to look through the channels and see if there was anything else on TV...I came across the TBN channel and Hillsong was on! Brian Houston was preaching a sermon titled: This is your day. Typical title I thought and left it on to see what was going on in the Hillsong church. As I was listening to his sermon he quoted from Genesis 1:5 which is: "God called the light Day and the darkness He called night. So the evening and the morning were the first day" (NKJ Version) He also emphasized how everyone on this earth has an equal amount of time...we all have 24 hours in our day. Even the most effective person on this earth has 24 hrs in a day and accomplishes much. It was a great point!

I arrived to work and I usually get a devotional from Christianity.com called Encouragement through my e-mail. I decided that I would actually take time to read it this morning and make time for God to speak to me through His word. And what is the verse that came out in the Encouragement for today? Genesis 1:5. This is what the author of the Encouragement wrote regarding the devotional for the day:

I was reading my Bible one day and noticed a huge mistake in Scripture. Everyone knows that morning comes first, and then evening follows. Right? But there it was in black and white. Genesis 1:5 reads, "and there was evening, and there was morning."
Of course, it was no mistake. Somehow, God started with evening -- a time of rest -- and a day's productivity came out of that.
We live in a culture where rest is often viewed in a negative light. When we work, we work hard. When we play, we play hard. We know how to fill our time with e-mail, activities, carpooling, cleaning, aerobics, and our to-do list. Our focus is work all day, and then eventually rest...How often do we run out of steam because we are out of balance? I wish that I could say that I became forever balanced. But I'm not. There are times that I have to slow it down and reconsider my priorities all over again. And if physical rest or SPIRITUAL REST(added emphasis)has been pushed to last place, I have to put it all on the table and let God help me sort through it so I can put "evening" back where it belongs. (T. Suzanne Eller)

What is God trying to tell me? What I got from this whole coincidental(yeah right) verse and devotional was that I need to re-prioritize my day. I need to devote more time to meditate on God's word...worship God for who He is and seek His Kingdom first. For better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere. I wanna be in His courts daily...

Refreshed

Wow what a while its been...!

I am so refreshed and pumped for God. My husband and I volunteered at the Exponential Conference: The Art of Movement!!! It was a blessing to hang with the crew from The Pursuit Church. Big ups to Matt and Janie Mehaffey. They are such a great, loving, and supportive couple. It was awesome getting to know the hands and feet of their ministry and connecting with them.


This conference was exactly what my husband and I needed. This church planting thing is extremely draining and lonely. At the conference I was able to connect with so many other church planting couples and see that the church planting process does not have to be so lonely. We were encouraged by some of the speakers present such as Erwin McManus, Craig Groeschel, and Matt Chandler. They brought the Word of God with no reserves, just straight raw. I miss that. The combination of their message left me with such a boldness and passion for the work of God. It got me to realize this walk of CHRISTianity is not to be taken lightly. We are a race of people that need to continue struggling to stay alive, to keep the name of Jesus Christ alive. People need to get why we live sold out to Christ and not just hear why. It is so played out telling people we are Christians. All they hear is spiritual mumbo jumbo. People need to SEE if you're real about GOD. Forget evangelism and outreach if you can't back up your life with genuineness and compassion for people.


Real Talk. Is living your life whole heartedly for God difficult and full of mistakes and imperfections...yeah!! I make mistakes all day but in order to minimize the mistakes you have to be constantly reminding yourself that people are watching your every move and are looking to see if Jesus is really inside of you. This generation of people have been so scarred by the mistakes, mess ups, lust, and greed of the early churches that are turned off and sickened by the church and Christians. It's bad enough Christians got bad fame...it's time we take the Gospel of Christ and reclaim our position in Him. Not saying that Christians are better than others (don't want to force people to accept Christ or repeat history) we (CHRISTians) want people to experience the joy that we feel in Him.


One man that's really leading such a boldness and movement of God with the Urban community is Lecrae. I slipped his cd, "REBEL" (by the way BIG UPS to Mark Driscoll for the spin on being a rebel for Christ) back in my radio and was blown away again by his lyrics and message. Good news is he's coming to town with his 116 Clique on 6/19 and I can't wait to be re-energized!

Songs in the key of Salas

This morning like every other morning was a great morning with my hubby (tongue twisted yet?). My husband and I spent some much needed time in devotional and reflecting on our marrige. So, I wanted to share with all the married couples and married couples to be the great message this book had for us..."Songs in the key of Solomon" by John & Anita Renfroe.

The devotion focused on Trust... "Sacred Trust" What's interesting about the devotionals is that it calls the couple to do weird things before you begin the devotional. This devotional called my husband and I to sit on the floor cross-legged, knees touching. ***SIDENOTE: WITH OUR DOG JUMPING IN THE MIDDLE, MY FEET FALLING ASLEEP AND MY HUSBAND COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS KNEE, IT WAS A TOUGH EXERCISE BUT WE FORMED A NICE CIRCLE AND WERE FACE TO FACE AS WE OPENED UP TO EACH OTHER***

Trust has been an easy thing for my husband and I. We never have given each other a reaon to not trust. Which I thank God for because in my previous relationships that wasn't the case. I didn't trust and my lack of trust made my relationships a nightmare. Can we agree that if there is no trust in a marriage it will always be in turmoil and strain the marriage? The verse that set the tone for the devotional was Hebrews 13:4-6 . It also made an amazing analogy which I will quote from the book, "Some houses have picket fences (cute for decoration), some have chain-link fences (good for keeping things in), and others have concrete walls (perfect for keeping things out). Make sure you're building your marital fences out of the right material." p.192 I have made it my priority to protect my marriage by any means necessary. I don't like to give room for gossip or temptation. Marriage is sacred and I want to keep mine that way.

After the devetional it asked us to reflect on a couple of questions but the one that I found most important was this one..."Identify any weak areas in your marital circle of trust. Is anyone lurking around the edges, posing some kind of threat (friends, family members, business associates)?" So, I post this up not too boast or brag about my mariage but to encourage other marriages to reflect on their relationship with their spouse. You'll be surprised what comes out!!!